With Glowing Hearts....

Seven years ago, soon after it was announced I wrote on my blog about how excited I was that Vancouver would be hosting the 2010 Olympics. Well, in those seven years I became a little more cynical...or what I like to say is a little more critical about the issues around me. As the Olympics descended upon my "little" hometown of Vancouver I became even more critical about the costs, the potential impact on the homeless, the blatant commercialism, and the throngs of drunken rowdies on my city. I was determined to boycott them and sleep in a red tent for the duration of the games showing my solidarity for the marginalized in Vancouver. Sigh...I must admit that I was all talk and eventually my anti-Olympic resolve started to crumble with every medal we won. It was hard to protest the Olympics when your cries were drowned out by the spontaneous singing of "O Canada" and when the protesters broke windows. It was hard not to get swept up in the sea of red and white. In my defense, I was the most anti-Olympic Olympic watcher I knew. I did attempt to talk to people about the social issues surrounding the games but no one wanted to listen to me. I even participated in a project to distribute harm reduction kits to the masses and gave out free condoms to all those that I could. I must have distributed over 500 condoms during the games. That hopefully reduced a portion of my hypocritical guilt I felt for participating in some of the events and cheering on the Canadian Hockey team. I am proud to say that I didn't support the HBC and buy the much coveted red Olympic mitts but I did visit some of the sites and listen to the free concerts. I couldn't resist.

So with that said I developed an Olympic complex and now I am trying to figure out how to reconcile the two sides. Perhaps supporting para-Olympians who I feel have been left out in the proverbial cold and will not get the recognition they deserve or by making a donation to Pivot Legal Society. Maybe both.

Anyways, here are some interesting facts about the seedier side of the Olympics.

It is estimated that 100,000 condoms were distributed to athletes, staff, and volunteers to the games. Averaging 15 condoms a person. My 500 condoms was just a drop in the bucket.

Social Experiment

I know that I have once again neglected my blog but I have been Lazy..umm I mean busy. Part of the busyness is that I have been conducting my own social experiment on the pseudo-anonymous interactions in social situations between genders. I have found a willing test subject to see how the female and male species communicate when trying to ascertain their compatibility. Field observations compiled so far indicate that the the success rate of these interactions is low. It is notable that the female test subject has not changed how she walks, talks, dresses, or says in each social situation.

Anonymous names have been used to protect the identity of the subjects

corporate lawyer: regrets law school, was a former backgammon champion, and is a guitar snob. Level of compatibility very very low

Haunted House Guy: enjoys scaring people, no career aspirations beyond that, has holey shoes
Level of compatibility somewhat low

Salsa Man: enjoys research, enjoys talking about existensalism, is a believer in the 10th dimension. Level of compatibility: not bad no chemistry

Bucharest boy: loves traveling, has mentally prepared for his parent's death, asked very intense questions about passion, strengths, and past relationships.
Level of compatibility: somewhat low

As more data becomes available more results from the study will be published.

Humanizing Homelessness

I must admit that I used to be one of those people that would cringe at the thought of some panhandler approaching me asking for change. I had the preconceived notion that they were drug or alcohol addicted and they would use the money to feed their habit. I lumped them into all into a group of lazy people who chose to live that lifestyle. I now know that I was very very judgemental and very very wrong.

My graduate studies really enlightened my thinking about homelessness and poverty. I now realize the complexity, difficulties, and prejudices about street involved people. It is not about choice or laziness, there are many factors that place people in that situation. I won't get into it here about the social inequity but I now have a different view about it.

Life lesson from Micah....

My niece Micah is another reason why I think about panhandlers differently. She is a bright three year old who makes me smile with her boundless energy and completely unjaded view of life. My sister told me a story about when Micah saw some homeless people while they were driving and asked why those people looked like that. At three she could see that they were different but she wanted to know why. My sister explained that they didn't have a home. She wanted to know why they couldn't just buy one. She was told that they didn't have the money to buy one, which immediately prompted to her to offer her piggy bank so they won't be homeless. Of course, she didn't understand the scale of money or poverty, but she did understand the principle of compassion. Ever since I heard that story, I try to keep her in mind whenever I see a homeless person. She inspires me to buy someone a coffee, give them food, or just smile at them and acknowledge them as a person and not a social pariah.

Another life lesson....

Almost every morning on my walk to work, at the corner of Burrard and Davie, there is an Aboriginal Man who sits on the corner playing a very lovely tune on the recorder. A few feet away there is a baby carriage filled with his possessions. Without fail, every morning he smiles, waves at me,wishes me a good morning, and as I walk past he tells me to have a good day. He never asks me for money but he always smiles at me. I don't know his name, he doesn't know my name, and we have only had the briefest of conversations. All I know is that he sleeps in a park. Yet, no matter what he always smiles at me and greets me enthusiastically. On my way across the Burrard street bridge, I see these well dressed individuals on their way to work and I often smile at them yet few of them smile at me back at me or wish me a good day.

I look forward to seeing him in the morning because no matter what he aknowledges me as someone worthy of his time and attention. He reminds me that I am human and that at least one person out there that will take the time to wish me a good morning. A smile does truly brighten the day.

Life post-student

So yet again the blog has been woefully neglected. In the aftermath of post-defense and job searching the blog was very very low on the interest and priority list. I spent three months of work search and was beginning to feel like that I was going to have to move in with the parents because I couldn't find a job. Thank goodness that I reached out to some contacts and was fortunate enough to get a job in these economic times (this seems like a common theme). I started a job with the BC Centre of Excellence in HIV/AIDs. I am completely outside of my comfort zone, not only because I have no background in HIV/AIDS but I don't have a clue about the clinical management of HIV. I have spent the better part of the last month learning as much as I can about Antiretroviral drugs, the mechanisms of how they work, the etiology of HIV and the clinical management of it. I keep thinking back to 2nd year undergraduate physiology to understand the microbiology and mechanisms of the immune response. Often at the end of the day, my brain is full and I am ready to head home and decompress. With any job there is always that initial learning curve, it feels extra steep right now but I am determined to conquer it. With that said, I am also eager to get moving and making this job my own.

Happy Chinese New Year or Gung Hay Fat Choi

Growing up as a kid, Chinese New Years meant eating a big special meal, receiving lucky red envelopes with money, and driving into Vancouver for dim sum and lion dances. I can still remember going to Chinatown and hanging onto my grandmother's coat so I wouldn't get lost while watching the lions eat the lettuce. I was in awe of the lion dancers and how they could balance on each other to reach the lettuce. They were a far cry from my sisters and I holding a purple blanket pretending we were lion dancers jumping over the firecrackers.

With the hustle and bustle of our lives now, Chinese New Years has become one night where we all sit down together and have a large meal. Gone are the days of trips to Chinatown to see the Lion Dances and spending our lucky money together. But in this one night, it is a reminder of the importance of family and of culture and its traditions.

Happy year of the Ox.

Bah Humbug...

So much for the joy and good will towards men. Only one day after Christmas, I was struck smack dab in the face by racism. I was waiting for the bus on a very snowy and wet day and trying to think happy positive thoughts to keep me warm when a man walked passed me and muttered something. I wasn't quite sure of what he said, I think he said "too many chinks". My first reaction was anger, how could this small minded person say that to me but then I calmed down thought that maybe I mis-heard. My bus arrived and he got on in front of me and I tried to not think much about it. I got off at my stop and he was behind me, this time I distinctively heard racist remarks. I stopped and turned around, I was about to confront him, saying something like too many "ignorant small minded people in the world". I really wanted to tell this guy off and then I realized that a) he was bigger than me b) he had a mental illness (not just his ignorance but a clear mental issue)and c) it was very cold and wet outside and I didn't want to argue with him. I think that when I turned around he was uncertain of what I was doing. I gave him a smile and said that he could go in front of me. I was trying to be a better person. Although, I think he was ill, his remarks still stung. It brought back a flood of memories of all the racist things others have said to me throughout my lifetime. For the most part I live my life unconscious of race or of me being anything other than me until someone says something like this. I cannot believe that in this day an age someone, anyone still uses these hateful words.

Sharing my work

My friend Jenn, also a classmate in the program did a ceremonial burning of her thesis after she sucessfully defended it. She had suggested that we do the same with mine. It is therapeutic and puts closure to the whole process. I thought it was a great idea considering how hard it was to finally get it ready for defense. It being Vancouver, it has been raining for the last few days and so we couldn't go to the beach and create a bonfire. We were going out for drinks to celebrate the defense and I decided that I would bring a copy of it so we could leave it on cars. I know it is littering but I needed to do something with the extra copy that I had. So at the end of the night we took my thesis and released into the world. I handed out pages of my thesis to random strangers. Many of them had been drinking so they were quite receptive to taking it. Of course, I explained to them that I had defended my Masters thesis and I was sharing it with the rest of the world. We also left it on cars. It was truly letting go of it and sharing what I had worked so hard for.

Master Char

I am very very excited to announce that yesterday at exactly 4:53pm I successfully defended my Masters degree. The journey to this end point was not always easy, it was fraught with so much self doubt and stress...was it worth it in the end? I think so. Through the course of this degree, I learned a great deal about health but I more importantly I learned about my own capabilities. I am not as dumb as I think I am....I think I am actually kind of smart and certainly hard working. Okay, enough of tooting my own horn.

My defense went well. I was really nervous and at times I think my mouth had a mind of its own. I would say something but my brain did not really register what I had just said. The questions were tough and not what I was expecting. A debate about the global health and if working with refugees and immigrants in Canada constitutes doing global health, or what kind of research would I design to get more data on refugees, how do I reconcile the difference between the use of localized services and the disjoint in federal legislation.

Thank goodness for Professor Crush Pants...

Yippie!!!! Charlene M.W. Phung M.Sc.

History Making...50 years late

Last night I could not avoid watching the results of the American election. I was sucked into all the media hype but also very disgusted wih the frivality of what was being covered. Come on...Sarah Palin's clothes, Barak Obama's barber...who cares.

Anyways, like many people out there both in America and Canada I am glad that Barak Obama won. I think that he will be progressive and make some substantial changes to American politics. However, what strikes me is that there was so much focus on him being the first black president, instead of him being an extraordinary human being capable of many things. It makes me sad that in this day and age, colour is still is a factor. We still view the world in terms groupings and not as human beings regardless of what we look like. Which leads me to say that it has taken much too long for the US to choose a President who is not a white upper class male. No matter how far we think we have come, we have so much further to go.

Tooting my own Horn

I don't often talk about my Masters degree in any detail. For some reason I don't talk about it as much as I want to. I generally discuss it in very broad terms or tend to gloss over the work I am doing. I think it is because I worry about boring people, inciting arguments over politics, or sounding like I am on a high horse. Secretly, I could talk about health equity and Population Health all day. Yesterday, I had my chance.

Months and months ago, I did a practicum with Vancouver Coastal Health. I created a toolkit for health care teams to use so they can learn about the social factors that affect health and what they could do to create more health equity. I thought it was a pretty important project and thus, decided to apply to do a poster presentation at the International Conference on Urban Health. For those of you who aren't familiar withe doing poster presentations, it is essentially a grown up version of show and tell except with a large poster that describes what you did. I was accepted and yesterday I was able to present my toolkit at the conference. For 2 hours, I stood by my poster and talked to other people that had the same passion for health equity I had. I was so excited to talk with like minded people and share ideas. The even better part was that everyone was really interested in the work that I did. They wanted copies of the toolkit. I even had a sign up sheet of email contacts.

For the first time in a long while I felt really good about my choice to do this Masters degree. As my blog atests to, the journey has not always been easy. I was often filled with self doubt about my own capabilities and intelligence. Academia is not always kind to your self-esteem. Yesterday was the proverbial pat on the back that I needed as I head into the final stretch of this path in my life.

Transit Trivia

I am a regular user of public transit in Vancouver and generally it is a solemn experience with grumpy almost stoic Vancouverites sacrificing for the environment to take public transit. This morning it was an entirely different ride to do.wntown. I got a packed bus and thought that it would be another morning of being crammed like sardines next to some corporate suit checking his blackberry. As I boarded the bus I noticed chocolate bars hanging near the driver. I thought that this was weird, was he selling them? Giving them away to passengers that smiled at him? I was curious about these chocolately treats. About 15 minutes into the ride, the driver came over the loudspeaker and anounced that we would be playing transit trivia for a chocolate bar and winners were decided by applause. For the first time in many many rides downtown the transit ride had some excitement, people were smiling and laughing. People were chatting with each other and applauding. As many people got off the bus at their stops, they were smiling. This silly little game for an insignificant prize made so many people smile. It definitely made me smile for the rest of the day whenever I thought about "John" our bus driver and his trivia game.

Alternative Lifestyle

Every two years we do a family vacation together. This is an opportunity for almost all of the family to spend an extended period of time together. Our original family of 6 has grown into a two mini-van trip family, with 5 kids under the age of 5 in tow. This year we went to Portland and rented a lovely house in the Irvington Historic District. This was a nice opportunity to catch up with my family and spend some time with my nieces and nephew. I have missed large family sit down dinners and the chaos that goes with it.


This family trip made me realize just how much time has gone by. I remember when we were little my parents packing us up into a minivan and taking us to Disneyland. Now it is my sisters packing their kids and us into the minivan for a family trip. My parents are getting older and it is weird to see how the dynamics have shifted and who has become the parents now.

It was nice to spend time with my family but I am also very appreciative of my space and freedom. I adore the little ones but I am definitely content to be fun Aunty Char, then give them back at the end of the day.

Feeling small

I was so enthusiastic 2 years ago, I felt that the world was completely open to me and the sky was the limit. Now I feel that the sky is falling and the world is not as big as I thought it was. Reality is closing in on me.

Finances and trying to find a job coupled with finishing my final project is causing a few sleepless nights. However, I will survive and it will all work out in the end.

Jude

Almost 2 years ago, I was on my way to New York to visit my friend Marie. On the flight from Washington D.C. to Albany I took out "A Race Against Time" by Stephen Lewis. For those of you not familiar with it, it is based on the Massey Lecture presented by the former special envoy to Africa on HIV/AIDS. It is a compelling book urging the world to rethink HIV/AIDS. The person seated next to me noticed the title of the book and started to ask me about it. An hour later, we had exchanged life stories and aspirations for the future. She was extremely well grounded and emotionally aware. I ended up sharing my email address with her and attending a lecture she was organizing while I was in New York. Since then, she has developed into a motivational speaker and has occasionally sent me emails with thoughts and inspirations. I just received an email from her and it is has inspired me to be more introspective about some of the experiences in my life. I hope to share them with you in this blog.

The End is Near

Tonight I had what I hope to be my last class ever at SFU. I say hope because I am pretty certain my affiliation with SFU will end at the end of this degree but I do have intentions of going back to school again but hopefully not at SFU. I took a course for interest and learning and it turned out to be less than stellar. At least it is done and I have finished my last sitting in a classroom course. Just have to finish my directed readings and my final project. Yippie...I am getting one step closer to becoming "Master char".

This is the first blog in more than a year. I had decided to stop blogging because it seemed that my life didn't warrant writing about (Most of my blogs were only centered around life of a grad student) but, after some consideration, and some cajoling by my sisters, who are avid bloggers, I decided to resurrect the wacky world of char. Hopefully, there are some readers still left out there.

I am still living the life of a grad student but the end is in sight and I am happy to report that I am nearing the end of my degree. I am not going to say how close I am to the end cause I still have a piece of major work to do, but close enough that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In the year that I have stopped writing, nothing too exciting has happened in my life, ie. no major changes, however, I don't have any complaints either. This was not always my mind set though, I had some months there where I was feeling quite unsure and lost again. I felt really lonely and insecure. I am not sure what has changed but it is nice to be back on a positive note. I am really enjoying where I am at in my life and I am excited about the future. I am completely open to where life will take me next. We will see what transpires after I finish.

Last weekend I went up to Williams Lake for a friend's wedding and I had a wonderful time. It was really nice to be carefree and relaxed. I must admit I did some silly things and was dressed as a fairy but it was fun. I always thought that I was a city girl but after spending a weekend there, memories of my childhood in the wack and spending time on a farm came back and I started asking myself if I could live in a small city again. Not sure what the answer is but it is not so definitively "no" anymore. Who knows where I will be.

Perhaps the influences of the wack have not all disappeared.

I hope that the faithful readers of the wacky world of char will come back and that I can continue to share the bits and pieces of my life with you. I promise that the blogs will be more than just school.

Death to the Blog

I think it might be time to retire the blog. I am not sure if anyone out there is still reading this anymore. What started as a means to update my friends and family about what was going on in my life when I lived in Japan has now turned into a boring, once in a blue moon generic update of my not so exciting life. It seems that everyone is on facebook now and that is the new trend, making the blogging arena seem outdated and obsolete. There is a part of me that would love to keep my blog for the nostalgic purposes but I am also aware of the changing times. So, although I will not officially delete the blog, it may be that this will be the last blog for a long time, unless I hear the cry from the masses that I should keep updating this. So sad...so many memories

Freedom Sweet Freedom

My blog has been woefully neglected for weeks now. School took over and sort of mowed over my life. There were assignments and papers due almost every week. It was a pretty insane couple of weeks there. I am happy to report that I survived almost with my insanity intact. I still have one paper to hand in and I am dragging my heals on that but by April 20th I will officially have completed my second semester of gradschool. I am now in to deep to back out, although there were moments in there where I did not think I could do it and thought about dropping out of the program. The most important lesson that I learnt from this semester was that I am not indestructable, working 17 hours a week and being school 11 hours a week, plus staying on top of my reading, managing to see my friends, sleep 8 hours and exercise is nearly impossible. Finding balance is important in my life and I am a very very grumpy person if I don't take care of myself.

The long awaited summer break is finally here. I am excited that I can finally do the things that I want to do, like pottery, salsa and not feeling guilty for spending time with my friends. I will be working full time and doing some work for a professor but I am free, free like a bird...yippie. Freedom never felt so good.

Happy Thoughts

I have noticed lately that my blog has been full of complaints and whinings about how "terrible" my life is.. woe is me and poor student me (puts wrist to forehead in an overdramatic fashion and sighs). I do admit that in the last month I have been glued to my computer at home, school or at work. I think I might have developed a tan from the constant glow of my computer screen, or is that I now have a sickly colour because I have been stuck inside for months. My friends have dubbed me the grounhog, because I will emerge 6 weeks later from hiding when spring arrives.

So, in an attempt to bring some cheer to this blog and not bring the faithful readers of the wacky world of char down, I thought I would write about all the silly things in life that make me smile. Completely arbitrary and in no particular order and probably only meaningful to me, afterall it is MY blog.

1. waiting at the bus stop in the morning when you notice a cute boy standing next to you totally oblivious to the world, singing along to this MP3 player and not caring that a silly girl is smiling at him. Then that boy sits down beside you on the bus

2. reading the Georgia Straight every Thursday, but reading the back first and in this particular order: Horoscopes, Missed Connections, and Savage Love, then maybe the rest of it

3. shoes..need I say more

4. having green hair, although I think people judge me with it, a chance for me to prove them wrong

5. the feeling after going to the gym, (I dislike every minute of actually being at the gym and can't wait to finish my workout)

6. waking up and hearing a great song on the radio, then dancing to that song naked after you get out of the shower

7. realizing that you are kind of smart and can make some fantastic points in class

8. feeling strong after my power yoga class

9. hanging out with my friends and realizing that they don't care what Masters I am doing or how smart or not smart I am

10. seeing someone you have a crush on in the bus and realizing he lives super close to you

11. laughing over silly things

12. getting an email from your best friend in elementary school who you have known since you were 3

13. completing an assignment or debate and handing it in

14. a great big cup of tea in the morning

15. clean clothes

16. knowing that you did something good for someone else

17. finding a cute jacket that you tried on months ago and liked but couldn't afford on sale for half off

18. thinking about all the things I am going to do in the summer, pottery, guitar, hiking, kayaking...

19. having a great conversation with someone and realizing that 2 hours have gone by

20. Being comfortable in my own skin, being me

Tools of Procrastination

So life has been insane or is it that I am going insane as a cause to life...I don't know anymore...All I can think about is the papers, midterms, debates, assignments and readings that are taking over my life. I love gradschool and like I said before, I am meant to be here. I love what I am learning but I am not absorbing it cause I am so focused on not drowning in the sea of work and more work.

I know gradschool is about making sacrifices for the end goal but I think I am sacrificing my sanity. There is just so much to do. To the point where I am feeling so overwhelmed that I just want to procrastinate, thus the reason for this blog posting.

I know, one thing at a time, I will get through it, ya da ya da ya da......

overstressed and feeling overwhelmed = grumpy no fun Char